Browse the fortune database

A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
responsibility at the other.

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
		-- Carl Sandburg

A child of five could understand this!  Fetch me a child of five.

A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.

A little kid went up to Santa and asked him, "Santa, you know when I'm bad
right?"  And Santa says, "Yes, I do."  The little kid then asks, "And you
know when I'm sleeping?" To which Santa replies, "Every minute." So the
little kid then says, "Well, if you know when I'm bad and when I'm good,
then how come you don't know what I want for Christmas?"

	A young married couple had their first child.  Their original pride
and joy slowly turned to concern however, for after a couple of years the
child had never uttered any form of speech.  They hired the best speech
therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, all to no avail.  The child simply refused
to speak.  One morning when the child was five, while the husband was reading
the paper, and the wife was feeding the dog, the little kid looks up from
his bowl and said, "My cereal's cold."
	The couple is stunned.  The man, in tears, confronts his son.  "Son,
after all these years, why have you waited so long to say something?".
	Shrugs the kid, "Everything's been okay 'til now".

About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of
the plain people is the stork.

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was, that they escaped
teething.
		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ...
		-- Gilda Radner

	After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient
earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several 
minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
	"No, thanks," smiled the young mother, "I'm just looking for a
name for my baby."
	"But the hospital supplies a special booklet that lists hundreds
of first names and their meanings," said the orderly.
	"That won't help," said the woman, "my baby already has a first name."